I know, I know, you are already freaking out and saying, “But Jacque, how would things get in my pants?” Stop! Trust me on this one, they will. Bad part is, all sorts of things will get in your pants that you don’t even realize are there until it’s far too late! I have compiled a list of Those Things Which Will Definitely Get In Your Pants – and ways you might deal with them when they happen. It is not, by any means, a complete list. The possibilities are quite endless as are the solutions to said things in your pants problem.

As with all Chicks with Ticks manual entries, we are not responsible if you neglect to follow our suggestions. We would, however, like to hear what happens when you don’t!

 Things Which Will Definitely Get In Your Pants – and ways you might deal with them

  • Very spiky seeds – simple, reach into your drawers and pick them out when they occur. Please take a good look to make sure these “seeds” don’t have 8 legs!
  • Ants – these little f-ers sneak into all sorts of cracks. Even tucking your pant legs is no guarantee….just grab the section of pants they are in and squish. There is a side note here – if these are carpenter ants – take off your damn pants! You don’t want that kind of bite down there! I don’t care if anyone can see you – screw them – they don’t have carpenter ants in their pants.
  • Chiggers – duh – everyone seems to know about chiggers. Sad thing is – i didn’t until last year – and it sucked….there is nothing you can do, trust me. You will suffer for a week or two – trust me.
  • Weeds – All sorts of weeds will get in there. Mostly you won’t notice these until you go to a real inside bathroom or undress. No big whoop – just dump them out. Remember to wash your hands!
  • Beetles – Hell yes they do!! No matter what you say, I know this from personal experience. I also don’t appreciate the fact that Kiran wouldn’t help me take off my friggin pants. I didn’t care that we were on a bridge! That was gross….I still get a chill…it was a big beetle. TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS…get assistance if you can – I freaked out and couldn’t even get my zipper down.
  • Giant Water Beetles – these are VERY different from standard beetles. These have a most horrible sting. Too late if they sting you – better do whatever you can to get them out of there.
  • Sticks – I still have no idea how the hell sticks get in my pants…..I really don’t know what to say about this one….just get them out.

Special note: When you go to a gas station after being in the field all day, and sit down to go potty, if you realize that all those stings and itches on your behind were from the ants mentioned above, DO NOT SCREAM OUT LOUD – people in line will stare and it is quite embarrassing….and Kiran will tease you for years.